the fight against my bodyI am a 21years old girl from berlin (germany)... I studied the turkish language but now I have to find the RIGHT direction to go and choosed to become a vet like I always planned since I am a child.. but I am afraid, afraid of studying physics and chemical stuff, afraid that I will loose and stand there without nothing... tomorrow I will start working in a small vet clinic as assistant and I feel not good... I am afraid... like I am always... also I am vegan and ana since 3 years..... god...Tag3- January 31, 2004 bin niedergeschlagen erstens weil ich einfach nicht abnehme, verstehe gar nicht warum zweitens : meine freundin hat ein stipendium in england bekommen, fr ein jahr und ich ich dmpel hier immer noch ohne studienplatz rum, ich freue mich ja fr sie aber mir geht es dann trotzdem immer schlecht... kommen wir zu den essentiellen dingen: 9:00 einen frisch gepressten O-Saft ca. 100kc 11:00 eine Banane ca. 125kc 12:00 einen Pfirsich ca. 50kc 14:00 eine Ananas ca. 200kc 20:00...http://www.blogigo.de/TheLastUnicorn/Tag3/9/ Tag 2 der obst und gemse dit- January 30, 2004 tja, mal sehen ob ich das ganze kleinzeug noch hier auflisten kann: 9.00 frisch gepressten O-Saft von Mama wie gestern ca. 100kc 12:00 eine Banane ca. 125kc 12:30 einen Apfel ca. 65Kc 14:00 Schwarzwurzeln 450gr ber den Tag verteilt ca. 198kc (habe solche Blhungen davon bekommen ) 14:30 Apfel Brombeere Saft ca. 100kc 17:00 eine Coktailtomate 5kc 18:00 Weintrauben wegen solcher Kopfschmerzen ca.200kc 19.00 Gewrzgurke wegen Heisshunger ca. 25kc bis jetzt 818, manno 20:00...http://www.blogigo.de/TheLastUnicorn/Tag-2-der-obst-und-gemuese-diaet/8/ FRCHTE, GEMSE UND DAS JETZT ALLES AUF DEUTSCH- January 29, 2004 nach wochenlanger Fressattacke werde ich nur noch obst und gemse essen, das fr mind. 1 Woche, da nehme ich nmlich erfahrungsgem mehr ab als beim fasten da ich negative kalorien zu mir nehme, mein krper aber nicht auf sparflamme arbeitet! ich werde versuchen, dass hier auch genau zu dokumentieren. ansonsten habe ich mich entschlossen, hier doch auf deutsch zu schreiben... es ist einiges passiert in den wochen... ich arbeite noch in keiner praxis weil ich doch berlege mein turkologie...http://www.blogigo.de/TheLastUnicorn/FRUeCHTE-GEMUeSE-UND-DAS-JETZT-ALLES-AUF-DEUTSCH/7/ Trying to exerminate my favourite food- January 14, 2004 Does anyone know this fucking feeling that YOU have to exerminate all the food thats in the house, well at least this food which only you love and which only you eat ( I am vegan).... sometimes if my father likes it too I try to give to him but it doesnt work always so what I do it eating it I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS... the reason I do this is that I say to myself when all this yummy food is gone I will not have it anymore, it will be more easy to fast..... I am cheating on...http://www.blogigo.de/TheLastUnicorn/Trying-to-exerminate-my-favourite-food/6/ Bored- January 13, 2004 well this day is kind of boring, rainy and grey weather, this makes me even more depressed.... I didnt go to see my boyfriend, dont know why, but now I am just hanging here and worry.... great... yesterday I went babysitting. I didnt eat today yet but I am already so hungry,lets see what I will eat, maybe I will write it here later to count the calories.... Actually the day began nice... I won a hair colour from l'oreal.... couleur experte...does anyone has experience with this! ok i...http://www.blogigo.de/TheLastUnicorn/Bored/5/ My PC was shut down for some days- January 12, 2004 Cuz my dad was made a new desk for me my PC wasnt online for a few days... now I have a wonderful new desk and I am happy with this... I ate a lot this weekend so I dont wanna touch the scale today... I will have a training maybe or I will go visiting my boyfriend... he lives 250km far away so its always a big tour for me but I am lucky that I have a car... O asked a question in my weblog and I am curious what everyone would answer, pls take part!!!!http://www.blogigo.de/TheLastUnicorn/My-PC-was-shut-down-for-some-days/4/ I fucked up with fasting- January 8, 2004 I am so stupid, after I lost already nearly 3 kilos I fucked up after one week and gave up... I ate nearly 10 cookies and rice and vegetables and bread... after that I felt so sick that I had to spend half an hour at the loo.. Maybe I couldnt resist cuz tomorrow I have an exam... well and I cancelled the job in the vet clinic.... my ex boss was so angry.... it was alot stress the last days and I swear to myself not to binge again after my stomach was so sick.... Lets see what the scale will...http://www.blogigo.de/TheLastUnicorn/I-fucked-up-with-fasting/3/ My first day- January 5, 2004 My first day in the vet. clinic and my second entry here.... I am quiet tired cuz it was excausting... anyway I survived it and maybe I will even survive tomorrow but we will see, I still have an offer from another vet where I would like working much more.. tomorrow I will try to check this... Still I am not happy and this I am fasting... it gives me energy but I am so cold, my fingers are like ice... i feel bullshit, my lips are bloody cuz I am always "playing" with them when I am nervous..http://www.blogigo.de/TheLastUnicorn/My-first-day/2/ Sunday evening- January 4, 2004 My first entry in this journal... I liked the idea of sharing feelings and getting other statements... at the moment i am fasting, its my third day and I feel fine but sometimes I get very cold cuz I dont use my heating in my room to burn some xtra calories... as you can read in my info i am ana since 3 years after my boyfriend left me.... we were together one year.... I am afraid of tomorrow, its my first day in a small vet clinic as assistant... I will do this job until I can study...http://www.blogigo.de/TheLastUnicorn/Sunday-evening/1/ |